Yesterday was the “straw that broke the camel’s back” day for me. I’m going through such a rough time in my life—not just with my weight, but life in general. I won’t bore you with all the details because I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the life I have because I’m not, but just once I’d like to catch a break. I’d like ONE thing to go right the first time around without some big hassle or setback.
Early in the evening I had to take my son to a sleep-over retreat & meeting for his upcoming church youth mission trip. On the way there, we were discussing how his art grade when from a B to an F in the week before school is to end. I asked about this paper he was to have turned in this week; it was worth 150 points. He told me that he thought it was extra credit. OMG, I think my head exploded for a moment. I totally lost it and don’t recall several minutes of driving. Anger and driving aren’t a good mix!
On the way home, I got behind every slow driver and seemed like I just got boxed in by every slow poke the road. I think I missed the memo about yesterday being the “Drive 10 under the speed limit Day”. By the time I got home, I was so beyond frustrated. I was just so pissed about everything that happened that day & just threw all my good judgment out the window. My friend and I went to the store and bought all bad food---soda, pizza, ice cream, chips, & booze. We ate some of it all. It wasn’t as bad for her as she’s not fat, but it was such a horrible move on my part; not only that, but it was late in the evening. Double whammy!
Today when I woke up I felt all this guilt for making such bad food choices. I decided today was the day that I would get the guts to try an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I got there a bit early & sat in my car waiting for others to get there. If it was too small of a group, I may have chickened out. However, it ended up being 7 women. I wasn’t AS nervous as when I went to my first Al-anon meeting, but still the unknown is a bit nerve-wracking. I will definitely go again. Before leaving, I bought the OA book and workbook that helps work through the 12-Steps.
After the meeting I went to the park and worked on Step 1. It’s been quite an emotional journey already with just the questions I did answer. I think I did a little over half of them. I have hope that this program with be really helpful to me. Al-anon has been very eye-opening & useful in helping me deal with my fiancé’s alcoholism so I have hope for this program as well. It’s nice to know that I don’t have to struggle alone & there are others that I can turn to for help. It’s really easy to isolate yourself when you’re fat.
I’ve watched a lot of those shows about the fattest man, teen, & woman etc. It seems unbelievable that someone would allow themselves to get to that size, but honestly, I never thought I would be this fat. How did I let this happen to myself? I feel as though I was average one day and just woke up fat the next, but I know that isn’t really the case. None of us are that different from the people who weight 600 or 800 pounds. We all make bad food choices, eat portions that are way too big, don’t move our bodies enough, or just don’t have control of our eating in general.
I am praying for successful recovery from my food addictions. My fiancé has been sober for about 420 days. If he can kick his addiction, I can kick mine. We’ll work as a team along with our support meetings. Does anyone have any experience with OA? What’s worked for you and what hasn’t?

This has absolutely nothing to do with my whole lifestyle change or fitness; I just want to vent. Perhaps my frustration would have driven me to eat 2 weeks ago before I started this, but tonight I actually feel like working out & punching the crap out of the punching bag.
I just got off the phone with my son. He frustrates the living crap right out of me with his COMPLETE lack of concern for school, his future, or anything else that doesn't pertain to his girlfriend. I want to tear my hair out. My house is in a school district that sucks so 2 years ago, I went to court and signed over school-year guardianship to my parents so he could go to school in a better district. Has it helped? NO, no, no.
He has a whopping 23% in math and he has D's & F's in all his core subjects. How the hell do you get a 23% in a class; you can pretty much get that by just showing up. OMG!!! Why does he not care? Is it a boy thing? He's verbally making all these long-term plans with his girlfriend about how she is going to go to college in PA and when (if) he graduates from high school (plans on doing auto tech courses), he'll move to PA with her and they'll live happily ever after. Seriously kid?! By the time he makes up these failed classes, she will be 2 years ahead of him even though they're both 16. Does he honestly think that college boys aren't going to hit on here or that she'll not get sick of waiting on his slack ass? I wish I could drill a hole in his head to make sure there really is something in there. He just had an MRI and his neurosurgeon tells me there's brain matter in there, but I'm not believing it; I'm guessing it's all rotten and atrophied from lack of use.
I have no idea what to do with that kid. How do you make someone care? I think I just have to let go & let God as they say. I can only change myself. I can't change my son & the harder I try, the more pissed off we both become. I think what I'm most angry about is the fact that he turned out just like his father even though he hasn't spent more than 3 days with him in the past 11 years. How does that happen? Damn genetics and DNA!!! For every reason I divorced his dad, I see the same traits in him. It scares the life right out of me. I can't make him understand just how much I love him and want what's best for him. I'm sure in his eyes I'm just bitching to aggravate his life & cause him grief.
I'm going to get off my soapbox for now. Just my note of advice for all you single women out there. Be very careful about who you accept genetic deposits from. Today's loverboy could be tomorrow's deadbeat ex.

Anyhooo, back to my lifestyle efforts:

My triceps and hips are definitely feeling last night's workout. I am happy to report that I was able to lift the toothbrush enough to get my teeth brushed....just as planned. I was pleased with my food selections today too. I tried this new bread product; I think it's by Brownberry. They are round like buns, but flat like pita. They're only 100 calories and the ones I got are 100% whole wheat. They made quite the yummy sandwich with mustard, spinach, cheese, and turkey breast.
I need to drink more water today. I've been drinking iced tea like it's the last day of tea bag production. For dinner I went out to eat with a friend. We went to Old Bag of Nails which is known for it's near-authentic fish n chips. Man, did I want to order those, but I refrained. I got the chop salad with grilled chicken and peppercorn vinegarette. I'm not usually a fan of the vinegarette dressing, but this was quite tasty. It reminds me of a dressing my mom makes from scratch that has onions and cucumbers in it.
After dinner, we took a little walk before going to my Al-anon meeting. I always feel better after going to my meetings. Brings me back to some level of sanity & God knows I need that!