GAG Finale

Ok, I have no idea why the picture is sideways when it wasn't when I saved it. Oh well.

December 22, 2009

Well I certainly didn't achieve the goals I set for myself at the beginning of this challenge. However, it's still a loss so I'm happy for that part.
Lots of things have been going on. I'm so happy it's Christmas time.

Work, work, work

November 25, 2009

I've spent the last 5 days doing projects around the house in preparation for a house appraisal for my mortgage refinance. I'm waiting for the appraiser to get here now; he's late--15 minutes so far.
I've upgraded 2 bathroom vanity lights (think that's my 4 & 5th electrical jobs & the house hasn't burned down..yeah!), put a new faucet in my bathroom, painted my front door inside & out,the garage door trim, & 5 interior door. We bought 1200 pounds of top soil and spread that in the backyard where the deck used to be. We felt like our backs were breaking moving 30- 40lb bags of dirt around to the back yard. I've lost 31 pounds so a 40 pound bag of dirt isn't that much more. I struggled to move them. I can't imagine how great it will feel to get another 30 off and another. And last, but not least, we put up all the Christmas decorations.

Every day that I've been working in the house, I've burned a minimum of 3,300 calories. I haven't exercised in the true sense of a workout, but I've gotten lots of exercise & drank tons of water.

I'm taking today off from any activity. I'm working 12 hours tonight. Tomorrow I will resume with the workouts & use my new hanging crunch rack. I like it. I'm not able to use the pull-up bar because my ceiling is too low. The bar is right at the rafters. Oh my dream house it will be perfect :o)

Hope everyone has a Happy & Safe Thanksgiving.

Finally hit a new milestone

November 19, 2009

Yesterday I finally hit the 30 pound loss mark. It seems like it's taken forever since I was stagnate for almost 2 months. I've had a NSV as well. I purchased several shirts from Old Navy that were only XL & even a pair of workout/yoga pants and they fit. I also ordered a sweater from Lands End that was an XL & that fits too. I'm excited to wear ANY piece of clothing that isn't 2X.

I may have to put the assembly of my new equipment on hold until the weekend. I am in the process of refinancing my house (didn't realize I had a 7 yr balloon loan---seriously I have no recollection of that & my signature isn't on the copies I have of the paperwork; I think I was tricked). Anyhoo, the appraiser called about 4 times yesterday to set up a time to come out. I have a small list of things I want to get done before that happens so I'm blowing him off until this afternoon & hoping to not get the house appraised until Wednesday or next Friday.

New equipment picture

You can do hanging crunches, pull-ups, dips, and push ups (not that you need anything to do push ups, but...)
I've used one of these before and got quick & great ab results.


November 17, 09

My new piece of exercise equipment just arrive. Woo hoo. I can't wait to put it together tomorrow and get busy using it. But for now, it's off to time to enjoy it.


November 1, 2009

Halloween was just another day at my house. My son is too old for trick-or-treating so there was no costuming shopping this year. I worked Thursday night which was T-or-T night so I didn't even have to buy candy. Honestly it worked out well for the ol' diet that way.
Yesterday I stopped over at my parents' house and invited my mom to go walking with me. She was in the living room with all the suitcases and snorkeling equipment spread out all over the room. They're going to Aruba in 3 weeks. I'm so damned jealous. I LOVE Aruba and can't wait to go back. Brent & I went in 2006 and had a fabulous time. We scuba dived and it was the first time for both of us.

Anyway back to current reality...
We went to the middle school by my mom's house. There were a group of teen boys playing flag football, but I did my walk/run anyway. I guess I just don't care anymore. If my fat jiggles, it jiggles. It'll keep on jiggling until I run it all off. We only walked for 30 minutes. My mom's joints were hurting so I took her home. It was probably just her excuse to get back to packing for vacation.
What I noticed about my running yesterday is that I don't have the endurance that I should or expect that I will if I'm not hydrated. When I got home from work Friday morning, I stayed awake for an hour or so & then slept until 530pm. I got up and did some housework and laundry, but didn't drink much and ended up going back to bed around 2am. By Saturday morning, the scales said my water weight was down to 36%. I think that's the lowest it's been since I bought that scale.
I could definitely tell when I ran too. It was almost as if my muscles were all stuck together. I didn't complete a single interval yesterday. I felt like a failure. It's a great reminder to stay hydrated. It's amazing how dehydrated the body can be yet our mouths don't feel thirsty.
Time to get in a quick workout and then get ready to go visit Brent. I'm praying that I'm down to my last 3 visits in that dump. Court is on the 12th.


I'm finally off my plateau after a month. I'm down to 243.8. I thought it was never going to move. I toyed with 244, 245, 246 for all of October. I'm glad things are moving in the right direction again.
The C25K is going fairly well. Saturday morning I went to the school and walked/ran for 55 minutes. It has been rainy here for about a week. There were TONS of worms on the track. I'm sure there are worm guts stuck in the cracks of my shoes. I'm not sure how many worm lives I ended on Saturday, but I'm feeling pretty darn good.

Great reminder

October 23, 2009

Watch this video. It's a great reminder of all we have & all we're capable of achieving. Tomorrow will come regardless of whether we're doing something to improve our lives or not.

I know that I've wasted way too many years being lazy & abusing this body that God gave to me. Time to get busy doing the work that is needed to be the best me I can be.

Don't know what came over me

October 20, 09

Yesterday morning I headed over to the high school to squeeze in my C25K run in the dark before the kids started arriving at school. It was 630 and v-e-r-y chilly outside. I only wore a thin hoodie over my t-shirt. I ran/walked almost the entire time with my hands pulled inside the sleeves.

I started out the walking segment completely freezing my butt off. The running interval came & I started to run. For some reason, it wasn't that hard today. I could have gone longer. How could my body do every running segment yesterday, yet on Friday I'm not even sure I completed a single segment. Friday was like running with the cinder blocks on my feet; yesterday I think I could have run an entire 5K. Totally weird. It it just my imagination or is running in the cold temperatures easier on the breathing than running in warmer weather?

I think it was all mental. While I was running, I was thinking about Jeannie & Chuck and Brent & me. I want to have a long relationship and be healthy so I just focused on that. The run seemed almost effortless. Yowzie!! I can't believe what seemed impossible on Friday was so different yesterday. Is this whole healthy lifestyle thing really mind over matter? The mind is a very powerful thing.

Tomorrow we shall see how it goes with week 4/day 3.
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C25K week 4/day1

October 16, 2009

Today I got up early and went to the park in the dark & did my day 1 of week 4. I'm not going to lie; it was hard. I knew it would be. Just like my feeling of never having mastered week 1, but moved on to week 2, I felt the same way about week 3. I don't think I ever ran every second of each interval in week 3...ever. But here I am moving on anyway. I think it's the only way I'll be able to overcome my mental block of thinking that I can't do this. I think I only 100% completed one interval of running today.

It's hard, but I have to do this!

The scales have been stagnate for a couple of weeks. I need to get my fire back. I'm feeling blah and have been for a couple of weeks.

GAG point challenge

Time to get busy

October 13, 2009

I'm back from my weekend in TN. We had a good time. For some reason though, I couldn't sleep the entire time I was there which made me miserable. I've never had that problem at my in-laws. The in-laws about had a heart attack because my FIL's 2 older sons from out west came in to surprise him. My FIL has been bitching to me about how these 2 sons treat him so badly and never come to see them, don't call to check on them, never email etc. They just showed up. Big WOW! I've been with Brent for 4 years & have never met or spoken to either of them.
So anyway, it was a nice turn out for the party. It was a combined birthday party & brats, hot German potato salad, German beers, sauerkraut balls. All the food was good. I stuck with water all weekend since I don't drink beer.

Almost every single time I've gone down there, I say that I'm going to work out, go for a walk or something. I NEVER do. EXCEPT, this time I did. I was awake waaaay too early on Saturday morning. I got dressed & headed outside to do my C25K run. I was proud of myself for actually doing it. Honestly, I figured that I would make some excuse up in my mind & just not do it. It was nice though. The air was cool & crisp so I barely got overly hot. Got to see some deer playing in a field; actually they scared the daylights out of me because I didn't see them until they started running.
But back to reality. I'm not sure where my head has been the past week. I think I've been mentally overwhelmed with everything that's going on in my life. I was too exhausted to exercise early last week. That day turned into the next and then the next. WTF??!!! Seriously, I'm so pissed at myself. I haven't logged my food either. I will say that the food thing is getting much easier though. I don't crave the junk food like I have in the past. Despite not exercising, I pretty much stayed on task with the food. I think it's almost become ingrained in me because I feel so much better by eating right. My guts used to just KILL; now I'm feeling good in that department. I haven't overeaten, but I have had a few things that I know I wouldn't have eaten if I was being strict with myself.

So that's my goal for the day. Get my head out of my ass & back on track. I need to get dressed & get to the track to do my run before the kids arrive at school & see a fat girl running. Eeks.
Have a good day everyone.

MIA weekend

Hello GAG team, I'm leaving today to go out of state for my F-I-L's 70th birthday celebration. I'll catch up with you all Monday. They live in the sticks so I'm not even going to bother taking my computer since I can never get any sort of connection there. I know, I know. I'm already having separation anxiety.

Have a great weekend.

Boo hiss

Oct 6, 09

So apparently my body didn't read the post where I wrote that the weight lifting weight can hang around until weigh-in day & then get lost. I gained 1.4 this week. Grrr! Seriously, I don't understand how this is physically possible, but it is what it is. Two days after the workout I was seeing a gain of 6 pounds. WTF is that all about?

Guess I need to just work harder & keep plugging away at it. Eventually it HAS to fall off.
Gotta go. Time to get ready for work and my cat is gnawing at my arm. I've put him on a diet too. Guess he's hungry too. He's nipping at the tender skin on the back of my arm behind my elbow...little turd.


October 4, 09

Here are some pictures from today. The first two are of my basement mini-gym. The next picture is of my October workout schedule. I put that one in the basement so I know what I'm doing every day and I also keep a paper version in my room. Since I'm combining 2 programs I decided it was best to write it all down. I'm totally a list-maker kind of person and if it's written down I'm more likely to do it. Last week I didn't miss any workouts.

And as the inquiring mind of Fat Free Me requested, the last picture is a weight belt update. The buckle actually touches now. Wooo Hooo. Just a few more inches and I should be able to wear it again.

As for my food, I'm eating between 1300-1600 calories/day. I don't think I'm going into starvation mode especially since I've changed up my eating plan. I'm now eating 5-6 small meals a day. This morning when I weighed myself the scale is on it's way down again. I think it was all the weight lifting thing.

Thanks everybody for checking in on me.

Tired, but less sore

Oct 3, 2009

Thursday I did my BFL lower body weight lifting work out. I think I mentioned before that I have had delusional thoughts that under all this fat that my leg muscles are still strong. Yeah...not so much. In high school, I could squat 450 lbs on the stationary squat machine. Thursday I couldn't even complete 60 lunges with 10 lb weight in my hands. Like a complete bonehead I did the weights before my cardio...big mistake. The BFL program is only 20 minutes of interval cardio and I wanted to cry the last 5 minutes.
I can only recall being this sore one other time in my life. That time my brother killed me on the leg press machine at the gym. The day after that I had to scoot down the steps on my butt because my legs were too sore to support my weight to make the bending motion necessary to complete a step. It was very sad. I don't work out with my brother anymore.
I'm normally not sore on the day of working out, but Thursday I was and lucky me, I worked Thursday night. Oh what a joy to run up and down the hall to tend to the call lights that went off a bazillion times that night. I swear people in a hospitals NEVER sleep. Seriously, you really need a pack up Nutter Butter cookies at 3am?? Anyhoo, Friday was absolutely miserable in the leg pain department. I almost fell off the toilet at work when I tried to stand up to pull my pants up. That could have turned ugly in a second.
Today I'm feeling much better. I'm comfortably sore which is acceptable. Tonight is my C25K running night and upper body weights. It's already 9pm. I better get crack-a-lackin'.

Oh, and on the weight issue, my weight has gone up even more..5-6 pound gain since Thursday. I know this is physically impossible to be true because I haven't even eaten enough calories for this to be possible. It better be inflammation or water weight from lifting weights.
Has anyone experienced this issue when starting a weight lifting program? My quadriceps feel like rocks, but I KNOW I didn't gain muscle like that overnight. Input? Suggestions? Advice? Anybody? Anybody?

Checking In

October 2. 2009

Thanks GAGer girls for checking in on me this week. I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I've just been working on revamping my fitness plan & such. Being as fat as I was/am, I expected to have lost more by now. I won't lie; I'm a bit disappointed.
With that being said, I took this week to amp up my exercise plan & readjust my food plan. Last week I didn't eat bad food or necessarily too much food. But I didn't log my food into the Bodybugg program. It really left me feeling out of control. Maybe some day I'll get to the point where I don't have to write down every morsel that crosses my lips, but I'm not there yet. Not by a long shot.
One of my personal drawbacks is working night shift. Even on my nights off, I often find myself staying up all night, wasting lots of valuable time. Do I work out at 3am? Hell no. I'm probably surfing the web for stupid or cute little pictures that will bring a smile to my face for 30 seconds, reading blogs, catching up on TV, doing Sudoku puzzles, or making lists of things I want to get done the next day, but never do because I've stayed up all night and then am too tired to get up before 2pm. Sometimes I really piss myself off.
I'm enjoying my C25K program. I'm taking that program super slow. I'm on week 3 & I'm going to start week 4 next week. In addition to that, I've recommitted myself to doing the Body For Life plan. I've had some success with that in the past. All the exercises are basically laid out for me so it's not like it takes a wizard to figure out what I need to be doing. Cardio & weight lifting...I can handle that. I do wish I had some hot guy to change the weights around for me between sets. That would be fun...for me at least. Sadly this is not the case; I'll have to do it myself.
This week I've done 2 days of C25K, 2 days of weight lifting, and 2- 20 minute cardio interval which is the standard cardio session for the BFL program. Right now I'm showing a 3 pound gain from yesterday. I'm not sure how that's possible when I burned over 3000 calories yesterday and ate 1500. Maybe the weight lifting/tearing the muscle thing has to do with holding onto fluid or something. As long as it's gone by Tuesday's weigh-in, it can hang around for a few days.
The other thing with the BFL program is eating 6 small meals a day. Six is hard for me, but I think I can squeeze 5 in on most days. I've noticed that I can't eat as much as I used to at one sitting. This of course is a good thing. So I've decided that the 5-6 meals might be a good thing. I'm going to focus on eating to take the edge off my hunger and not eating to "full" line. I usually overeat that way. I think my fuel gauge is broken in that respect. I've overeaten on a regular basis for so long that I don't know what is comfortably full compared to stuffed until it's too late. This is definitely something that I need to work on. I also thought that by eating like this 1) I won't overeat because there's never enough food on my plate to do that & 2) in 3-4 hours I can have something else yummy to eat.
Satisfaction without being STUFFED. That's what I'm working towards.
I think I've convinced myself to buy a captain's chair to do the hanging crunches on. I've used on in the past and it really works the abs and whittles the waistline. I'm all for getting rid of my big 'ol muffin top.

That's my week in a nutshell. Nothing earth shattering.

Hope all the GAGers and especially TEAM CUPID are having very productive weeks and meeting your mini-goals.

Weekly GAG assignment/challenge

Sept 29, 09

Do you feel your eating habits that ended you into this challenge are a direct result of habits formed during childhood? (Please explain)

Yes, definitely! I grew up in a 2-parent household with both parents working full-time. My mom didn’t/doesn’t like to cook so we ate way too much processed food & not enough fruits & veggies. I barely remember eating vegetables as a child.

Tell me about your living situation. Are you married? Kids? In College? What is your life like OUTSIDE of weightloss?

I’ve been engaged since 2006. In Oct 2007 I was supposed to get married to the love of my life Brent. However, due to his addiction to alcohol, things went way off track & we went our separate ways for 9 months. We are back together now, but he’s still working on his addiction issues & the aftermath of all that. We do plan to get married some day, but have no date in mind. He needs to get healthy & I want to get my food addiction under control too so I can be the best partner I can be as well.
I have a 16 year old son who lives with me part-time (on my days off from work) & lives the other half with my parents so he can go to a better school. He’s a great kid & I love him dearly. He’s my favorite cheerleader in my weight loss journey. He loves school this year & I couldn’t be more thrilled to see his enthusiasm. Brent has 2 kids (16 & 21) who live in Seattle that we don’t get to see very often.
My life outside of this weigh loss journey is emotionally stressful. I’m a nurse & I’m working on a unit that I thought I would love, but come to find out that isn’t the case. Due to the economy even nursing jobs aren’t abundant like they had been so for now I’m stuck there despite a year of job hunting. I work night shift so that throws my entire life schedule off. I sleep when the rest of the world is out & about. Even on my days off I end up staying up all night, but I’m not being productive. I’m upset with myself about that. I really MUST get myself on a schedule & get it together.
I get to visit Brent on Thursdays & Sundays for a whopping 20 minutes. I’m super stressed and anxious about what the future holds because he/we have done all we can do to fix his wrong-doings. Now it’s all up to the courts. It’s a painful waiting game. I pray he’s home by Christmas otherwise it will be another dismal holiday season.

If you were given a magic wand that you could use one time to do one thing, what would you use it for?

Admittedly I would be tempted to be selfish & cast a “spell” on myself & my family that would guarantee that our goals would be achieved as long as we worked hard. I feel like I do the right things, but things just don’t turn out as planned…ever.

What is your favorite thing about this time of year? Least favorite?

I LOVE all the changing colors. It’s beautiful. Before I had my son, it was just another time of year. When he was little we were driving somewhere and he noticed all the colors of the changing trees. It’s really a gift to be able to see life through a child’s eyes. I’ve never looked at the trees the same since that moment.

My least favorite part is the daylight savings change. I think it’s depressing that it gets dark so early.

You have a day off, no responsibilities, so what will you do with it?

I would want to spend the day with my two favorite guys—Brent & Adam. Instead of just having a family night we would have family day. We would cook a yummy breakfast & sit down as a family. Then take a hike & maybe do a scavenger hunt. Then in the evening we would play some games & listen to our favorite music & maybe watch a movie as we cuddled up on the couch.

What is YOUR sin food?

Good Lord, how can I just pick one? I honestly don’t think I have just one item, but if I had to pick one it would probably be pizza.

You're in a foul mood, what lifts you out of it?

Spending time with Adam & Brent & listening to music.

You're in a good mood, what keeps you there?

Doing something good for myself whether it be exercising, eating right, or spending time with my family or friends keeps me happy.

What is one of your biggest struggles right now?

The legal situation with Brent is my biggest struggle at the moment. I like to be in control and this situation is completely out of my control & stuff with the law is completely foreign to me. I’m a fish out of water. I pray that this situation is the toughest issue we will have to endure as a couple. Let’s hope all the other hurdles are smaller than this one.

Diet-wise my biggest struggle is scheduling my workouts because of my erratic sleep schedule.

Your motivation is running low, where do you find your refill?

Reading everyone’s blogs and seeing how much success they’re having recharges my battery.

Your in-house support (meaning the people in your life that you see face to face) is beginning to dictate your weightloss journey by telling you you're too heavy, or you're getting too thin, but you're not where you want to be. What do you do? How do you handle it?
I have great support so this has not been an issue. However, if it did, I would just have to explain that I am doing this for myself & no one else & that I may get to that magic number on the scale and realize that it isn’t the right weight for me to be. But until I get there, I’ll never be satisfied so I have to keep working to get there.

List me your favorite:
Color: Red
Smell: ooh, too many. I love the smell of cinnamon, rain, Brent’s cologne, fresh cut grass
Activity with your child: I like watching the comedy channel with him so I can hear him laugh.
Activity with your girlfriends/ guy buddies: Just being with them talking & laughing. We could be doing something or nothing at all besides sitting there.

Where do you honestly see yourself at the end of this challenge?

I see myself one size smaller, but still plugging away at the biggest goal. I will definitely be stronger than when I started the GAG journey.

What are your goals AFTER Gag?

My goals after GAG are to just keep working on myself to become the best me I can be.

How do you think GAG is going so far? What would you like to see done differently?

I think for me the GAG is going just so-so. I have my ups and downs like everyone. The one thing I learned about myself from joining this challenge is that I’m NOT very competitive. I like to read about everyone’s successes and fitness tips on their blogs, but for me to be in competition against other people and not do as well makes me feel like a failure. I’m doing this for me and no one else so I doubt I will join another challenge. If I’m only competing against myself, I’m always going to win. That’s such jacked up thinking, but it’s me. Kinda makes me like a sore loser doesn’t it? Yikes, that’s not good.

Tell me all about your "typical" autumn weekend? Special activities that arise as well?

There is nothing typical about my life. If I’m not working, I usually spend it with my son doing something (walk at the park, movie, or something) or cleaning the house.

How did you find GAG, and what made you commit to join?

I found the GAG challenge through someone's blog when she made mention that she was joining it.

If you could nominate one BIGGEST INSPIRATION out of all your Team Gaggers, who would you nominate?

It’s hard to pick because I admire different things in a bunch of different people. But I would say Laurie because she just did her 1st 5K race. Being able to run is a goal of mine so I look to her for inspiration & motivation to keep going.

Please, tell me about you. What are your dreams? What are your desires for your life? What sparks the passion inside of you about your life? What goals do you have that seem impossible?

My dreams and desires used to be vast & big. But honestly with the recession & everything I’ve gone through with Brent, my priorities have completely shifted. I almost think as painful as it’s been on me and so many families that this recession is a blessing in disguise. I’ve really come to appreciate the simple things in life. I still want a bigger house with a bit more room than what we have right now, but we’re just fine in this small house. It’s a want not a need.
My big goal is to get debt-free. least consumer debt-free. I’m not so much worried about the mortgage and student loans. But I do want to get the credit cards paid off and get to the point where we only have 1 card that is used for emergencies or travel only. I want us to be able to take a big vacation every other year with a couple long weekends thrown in during the year.
I used to want to move back to VA or somewhere warm. Since I started exercising though, I think I’ve changed my mind on that too. Brent & I have been talking about moving to the Pacific northwest after my son is done with high school. I think I much prefer a milder climate. I’m thinking mid-70s all year round would be perfect. I’ve discovered how much I hate working out in the heat & humidity. It’s just miserable. We’ll be shopping around for a new place to live over the next 4-5 years.
My weight loss goal is to get to a weight that I like the way I look. That may be 120 pounds or 135. I have no idea at this point. I’ve made 135 my long term goal because that will put me in the normal BMI range. Quite honestly though, I have no idea what will look right on my frame; I’ve been fat since I’ve been 18 years old. It’s all subject to modification as I near my goal.
My impossible goal is running. I never thought I would like the feeling of running, but I do. I can’t wait to get conditioned enough to run my first 5K with Brent. Another impossible or seemingly impossible goal is the debt-free dream. Life always gets in the way of allowing this to happen. Some unexpected expense comes up, but I keep working at it anyway. I always try to remember that tomorrow is going to come whether I’m doing something to work towards my goals or not. I might as well die trying to succeed than to die a failure for never having tried.


September 29, 2009

I think I may be one of the people that Sheila is talking about in her GAG post today. I have been neglecting my blog lately. Although it's not because I've gained or I'm trying to avoid something.
Last work I worked 4 12 hour night shifts in a row and it just completely threw off my flow. I think it took me a day & a half to recover from that. Monday & most of Tuesday I didn't do jack crap. I just wanted to chill and chill I did. A few days off turn into a few more days off and pretty soon it's been a week since I've posted to my blog. I've read and commented on a few blogs, but haven't had much to write about myself.

I have been allowing complacency to take over my days. I've been eating just fine, but I haven't logged my food into the Bodybugg program all week. I haven't been exercising as much or as often as I think I should be either. I've lost this week despite my slackness.

I need to take a mental time out and revamp my food and exercise plan. My goals are not appearing as quickly as I'd like them to. I'm the only one responsible for that so I need to change some things to make it happen.


September 23, 2009

It's been a week since I've blogged. I feel like I'm totally disconnected from my blog lately. However, I've still been working on my goals and staying on track. Last week I worked 4 12 hour night shifts in a row. It's an ass-kicker. Normally even after 3 in a row, I don't exercise after night number one. This time though was different. I worked out every night except Sunday night. I was quite proud of myself for getting up early & sticking with my plan.
I actually think that exercising before work helps me stay awake during the night shift. Thursday I procrastinated & didn't work out before going to work. However, once I got all my patients settled & assessed, I went on the south wing of our unit that is closed currently and fast walked for 30 minutes.

I had a short term goal to weigh 240 by Sept 28th. I seriously doubt that I'm going to lose 6.6 lbs in the next 4 days, but I'm happy that I got that close to goal. It's much better than where I started.

Hope all the GAGgers are having a great week especially team Cupid!!

GAG weigh-in

September 15, 2009

This is my weigh-in for the GAG challenge. I have finally knocked off 25 pounds. I can't believe it. I feel really good. Last week I weighed 251.8. Today 247.6

GAG weekly update

September 15, 2009

Here's the final points added for my week of the GAG challenge and my meal plans for the last 2 days.

Life sucks today

September 14, 2009

I had such hope for today. I've been praying extra hard for God to do MY will and bring my fiance home today. Apparently that wasn't HIS will for the day. Court did not go as planned. The judge is against sentencing him to the 18 month alcohol rehab program because they spent so much money to extradite him from TN. Really??? You're going to make the cost of extradition a condition to getting accepted to a treatment program??? I'm beyond pissed. If money is the real issue, just tack that fee onto his restitution bill. They're willing to house him in a prison for whatever number of years at however many thousands of dollars per year, but want to bitch about sending 2 deputies to TN for a 16 hour day. It's complete and utter bullshit. I've written a letter to the judge to express my displeasure with his current state of a polite way of course.

On a positive note, I'm still hanging onto my new weight-loss number. I mentioned before that I don't count a weight loss as real unless I see it on the scale 2 days in a row. Yep, it's been 3 days now. I'm loving that. Let's pray it hangs around until my GAG weigh-in tomorrow. I did come home from court and eat 3 servings of Ruffles cheddar and sour cream chips. Probably would have eaten more, but that's all my son left in the bag. Thanks Adam. You saved mom from a horrible binge.

Knowing my luck though, I'll have a weight gain tomorrow from water weight that has accumulated in my eyelids from crying the entire afternoon.

On another good note, last night I did Week 3 day2 of the C25K. I had started week 3 the middle of last week, but cut it short due to lightening. I am happy to say that I finished the entire segment. Actually it ended before I thought it would. Previous weeks have 6 running segments. Week 3 only has 5--2 for 90 seconds and 3 for 3 minutes. I am starting to feel good about my progress.

Food log Thurs-Sat


Today I hit a milestone of getting under 250. I'm going to keep my actual weight secret until the GAG weigh-in on Tuesday. This week I revamped my bodybugg program and reduced my calories to 1300-1500cal/day. Seems to be working...finally.

GAG challenge update....finally

GAG challenge Week 2

September 9, 2009

I've tried 3 times to upload my 2 images of my info for the week 2 challenge, but keep getting an internal error message. I will try later. I did log my food into my Bodybugg program yesterday and made a little chart for the other point stuff.

Things are on the move as far as the fiber issue is concerned too. I'm very happy.

Going in the wrong direction

September 7, 2009

I weighed myself yesterday and today...I'm up about 1.5 pounds. I truly believe it's due to my lack of proper meal planning on Saturday. I ate all healthy food & stayed within my calories, but holy shit...or actually no shit. I ate 52 grams of fiber. I fear I won't be able to poop for a month. My crap will turn to a brick. I'm trying to drink LOTS more water.

Hopefully tonight I will dump a load and lose 5 pounds by my GAG weigh in tomorrow. Tonight my son & I are going to the track to run the C25K. Running always makes me have "the" urge. Keeping my fingers crossed.

GAG challenge

September 4, 2009

Challenge Part 1
I actually do have a family gathering coming up at the end of the month. My dad is turning 60 so we’re celebrating with a cookout. My master plan is to drink lots of water to curb my hunger. I may throw in some iced tea just to mix it up a bit. If my mom isn’t planning to have a veggie tray, I will be bringing one with a low-fat ranch dressing I found. It’s made with yogurt…pretty tasty.
I plan to have one plate of food only & one piece of cake. No seconds. My other goal is just to stay away from the food table as much as possible. I’m hoping my cousins will be bringing the cornhole game & Amish testicle toss ( I have no idea what the real name of the game is, but that’s what we call it). I haven’t seen my cousins since last summer so it will be nice to catch up with them AWAY from the food.
I will work out for 45 minutes prior to going to the party. I know once I get there anything else I plan to do that day will fall to the wayside. In addition to that, my brother & his family will be here from Seattle so I want to spend as much time with them as possible.

Part 2
Chips and salsa are always a huge hit. I have 2 great salsa recipes. I think they’re easy to make and so fabulously yum that I probably will never buy jarred salsa again. The homemade fresh just tastes so much better. This salsa is also great toppings for tacos, chicken, or eggs.
I AT LEAST double this recipe because I always end up wanting more once I get a taste.

#1 Tomato Cilantro Salsa by John D Lee

1 big ripe tomato ( or 2 med or 3 small)
2 Tbsp chopped white onion
1 Tbsp finely chopped cilantro
Fresh chopped chili pepper to your taste
¼ of a lime

Chop tomato & add it to mixing bowl. Include juice, skin, & seeds.
Add the chopped onion, chili, & cilantro.
Squeeze your lime quarter into the mixture.
Add a pinch of salt and taste. Add more as necessary to your liking.
Enjoy your fresh salsa!

The next recipe is from It tastes much like the corn salsa from Chipotle if you have that restaurant near you.
This recipe makes 3 cups.
2 ears of very fresh corn (I save the time & hassle & use a bag of Steamfresh frozen corn)
2 vine-ripened tomatoes
1 small red onion
¾ c diced red bell pepper
2 jalapeño chiles, minced (save some of the seeds)
2 tsp pureed canned chipotle chiles (I’ve omitted these before and it still tastes good)
2 limes (juice)
1 Tbsp olive oil
¼ c chopped cilantro
Salt to taste

Remove husks and silk from the corn. Rinse. Simmer corn in rapidly boiling water for 2 minutes; drain and immediately plunge the ears into a bowl of cold water to stop the cooking. Cut kernels off the cob.
Cut tomatoes into the same size dice as the onion and bell pepper.
Combine corn with the diced vegetables; sprinkle in the reserved jalapeño seeds. Stir in the chipotle puree, lime juice, olive oil, cilantro, and salt.
Stir and eat!

I can't believe what I did!!!

September 2, 2009

Last night I stayed up too late. By the time I tried to lay down & get some sleep, I could not get my mind to turn off. I tossed and turned for an hour. At 4am I decided to get up and clean the kitchen and straighten the livingroom. I closed my lil peeps at 615 and actually fell asleep, but had to get up at 650 to take my kid to school.

After dropping him off, I came home and made my list of things to do. I planned to go back to bed from 8-11am followed by a long list of errands. Yep, not much got done. I slept until 115, showered, & then it was off to pick him up from school already.

After dinner, I sooooo did not feel like working out, but since I joined the GAG challenge & I want to win something (besides a better figure), I forced myself to hit the track. I started my C25K podcast and off I went. I was feeling better once I started, but halfway through I just wasn't feeling it. I finished the 30 minutes, but only ran 3.5 of the intervals. I caught myself trying to talk myself out of NOT finishing my workout. WTF?!! My mind was telling me that my dinner was churning in my tummy and that I might have to run behind the bleachers to poop, I'm thirsty, I'm tired, I have chores to do at home. Blah, blah, blah.

Finally I just told myself to shut up and finish. Guess what? I listened to myself. Not only that, but I also decided to keep walking until I hit my calorie goal, my 10,000 steps goal, and my activity goal. I did all that. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I was going to jog & see just how far I could go.
I ran a 1/2 mile without stopping. HOLY CRAP!! I'm pretty sure I haven't run a 1/2 mile since high school. I'm really proud of myself. I actually think I could have gone a bit longer, but it was approaching 11pm and my son was with me; he has school in the morning so I stopped at 1/2 mile.

Tomorrow I will try week 3 of the C25K and more non-stop jogging. Run Forrest Run!!
I'm feelin' good tonight.

GAG Week 1, Day 1

SEPTEMBER 1, 2009---That start of GAG 2009 Here are the goods..errr or bads of the facts.


August 30, 2009

Today is my weigh-in day and I've officially surpassed the 20 pound mark...finally. My first Bodybugg mini-goal was to get to 240 by Sept 27th. I now have 11.4 pounds until I reach that goal. I'm confident that I can reach that by then especially now that I've broken my mental barrier of the C25K. My last 3 walk/runs have been fabulous. I can't believe I'm actually starting to LIKE running. What the H is going on with me? The old me would have never said that. I'm completely pumped.
September 27th is my dad's 60th birthday. My brother will be here from Seattle. He hasn't seen me for a year. I was close to my heaviest then. I'm excited to see him and my little nieces. Here's a picture of how fat I was then at the baby's Baptism. How in the world did I let myself get so out of control?

That was then & this is now. I'm changing for the better.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Just a blah week

August 28, 2009

I saw this cartoon and thought it was cute since I think that EVERY time I go to the doctor's office.

So this week, I did the C25K run Monday and Tuesday. I was successful both days and can't wait to run again tomorrow night. I hate working 3 nights in a row. I just can't get the exercise in on at least one of those days. These 3 days have been very trying for all of us at work with one particular patient (crazy woman). Why does it seem like all the crazy people who refuse to take their psych meds get C-sections so they're with us longer? Ugh!

I'm on my "womanly time" so my weight shows 3 pounds up. I'm not really holding much truth to that as my actual weight so I'm just hanging out til next week and see what happens when it's over. The scales does show an overall 3.5% fat loss. That's cool. More people at work at starting to really notice and I think I'm looking less lumpy under my clothes. I like that.

Wish I could stay and chat & read all the blogs today, but my poor ass needs to get ready for work...the last of my 3 in a row. This will go on for the next month because I was a bonehead and thought for sure I was getting that OR job. So I scheduled myself 3 days in a row at the end of every week on this entire schedule which doesn't end until the end of September. Didn't get the job so now I'm stuck working at least part of every weekend. Super move Mel. Just brilliant!!


August 25, 2009

It's 115am & I just got home from the high school track. I did it, I did it, I did it....finally. Last Monday I did W2D1 of C25K and I couldn't finish all the running intervals. The rest of last week I never made it back to the track, but did practice the intervals on my elliptical. I don't count those days as actually doing the C25K because I don't know how many strides-per-minute equal walking vs running etc.

Tonight I ran every single second of every running interval. OMG, I feel so accomplished. I am actually making progress & it shows. I'm loving it.

Monday I wore a pair of jeans that I realized I can remove without undoing the button or unzipping them. Does anyone want a free pair of jeans? They're from Lane Bryant. If you're familiar with their updated sizing with the number and color system, the jeans are size 5/blue/short. That's equivalent to a size 22 petite; I think they'd be an appropriate length for someone up to 5'4". They're a dark wash color. Send me a message if you want them.

Below is my Bodybugg calorie burn for the C25K walk/run I just completed. That's an insane calorie burn. Sixteen calories/per minute for some of those minutes. Holy crap!

Small gain


Yesterday was my weigh-in day. I gained 0.2 pounds. I'm not freaking out about it though because the fat percentage has gone down. Looks like I might actually be gaining a little muscle.
I've finally gotten into a workout groove and worked out 5 days last week. I'm pleased with that although was goal is to do all 7 days. I do have to figure scheduling hurdles.
I'm feeling blah today. It's 2pm. I haven't worked out yet today, but am getting ready to do that, eat some lunch, & then take my son to Magic Mountain to play a few rounds of putt putt golf. He goes back to school Thursday. We're hoping to enjoy our last few days of summer together. He's grown & matured a lot this summer; I'm proud of him.

Enjoy the day.

Orange & Fennel Roasted Cod

I entered the cookbook contest that Jen-Prior Fat Girl is having again. I mentioned on her blog that I would post my favorite recipe from my fav cookbook so here it is.

Here's the picture from the cookbook of the finished product. The other picture is of fennel. I never knew what fennel even was until I made this recipe. I doubt I had even noticed this in the produce section until I went to look for it.

This recipe makes 4 servings.

2 fennel bulbs with fronds (greenery on top) about 1 lb each
1 Tbsp cooking oil
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp fresh ground pepper
1/4 c fresh orange juice
1 tsp grated orange zest
1/4 tsp fennel seeds
2 lbs cod fillets cut into 4 pieces

1. Heat oven to 450. Cut off tops of fennel bulbs and chop the leafy fronds. Cut each bulb into 8 wedges. In a large roasting pan, toss the fennel wedges with the oil & 1/4 tsp each of salt and pepper. Spread the fennel in an even layer and roast for 25 minutes. Stir the fennel and rotate the pan so the vegetables cook evenly. Roast 15 minutes longer.

2. Meanwhile, in a glass or stainless-steel bowl, combine the orange juice, orange zest, fennel seeds, and the remaining 3/4 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp pepper. Add the cod and marinate while the fennel roasts.

3. Remove the pan from the oven and top the fennel with the cod and its marinade. Roast until the cod is just done, just 10 minutes for 3/4-inch thick fillets. Sprinkle the chopped fennel fronds over the cod.

Note: Can substitute cod with any other white-fleshed relatively thick fillets. Suggestions are haddock, sea bass, or orange roughy.

Super-yummy salad

Here's a salad I ate yesterday for lunch. I enjoyed it so much I ate another similar one for dinner. The salad has spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, blueberries, chow mein noodles, & light berry balsamic dressing. For dinner I added strawberries, mixed greens and omitted the chow mein noodles.
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Thank you Katie J

...for the Lovely Blog Award

I follow lots of great blogs so it's hard to choose just 15. A special THANK YOU to Katie J for all her kind comments and support.

Here are the ones I nominate this time around:

1. Losing Waist--I love all the brutal honesty that you write about & share with us.
2. Confessions of a +Sized Girl--Monica, you need a little pick-me-up
3. Less of Lisa---Lisa,you'll get through this rough spot.
4. Escape from Obesity
5. Fat Girl Dives In
6. Jenn Prior Fat Girl--you're always an inspiration
7. 282.5
8. Jack Sh*t--always good for a boost and a laugh
9. A Forty Something's Weight Loss Journey
10. 4oz
11. From Fat to Fab
12. Bigger Than My Body
13. Diamond Motivation
14. Thru Thick & Thin
15. Shrinky-Dinky

Thanks to everyone for all the comments. Your support means a lot to me.

Weak effort

August 19, 2009

I didn't work out yesterday and it shows. I almost made my calorie-burned goal, but the deficit was not good. I really need to get it out of my head that I will workout in the evening. That's bullshit. The other night I didn't go to the track either because the humidity was about 100%; the air just took my breath away when we stepped outside. I did, however, workout in my basement for a while...36 minutes actually putting my daily total to 66 minutes plus walking around the mall doing school shopping.

I'm not sure what I did yesterday morning that took precedence over working out but it did. And look, here I am again reading and writing blogs instead of taking my butt straight to the basement.

Ok, when I get done working out I want to make another post about that show "More to Love". I hate that show, but continue to watch it, It's like a train wreck. It's horrible, but I can't look away.

Sunday's weigh-in -2.6

August 17, 2009

I had my weigh-in yesterday. I lost 2.6 pounds this week. I'm happy about that. I always wish it were more, but I guess that is respectable. I don't know what people do to lose 5+ pounds a week. I worked out every day except Saturday. I busted ass all week & had good calorie deficits. Thursday I was up at 7am and didn't get a nap before work that night. By the time I got to bed Friday morning, I had been up over 25 hours, but then woke up after 5 hours sleep. Saturday morning it all caught up with me and I just couldn't get up early enough to work out before going in to work Saturday night.

I've already done my 45 minutes of workout today before I took my son school shopping, but I plan to go to the track and do another round of C25K tonight after dark.

Oh, I found a new pair of frames too. I like them so well that I'm getting regular glasses & sunglasses in the same frame. I can't wait to get my eye exam so I can get them.

Wednesday's stats

August 13, 2009

So I've had 7 days off work. Man I love working only 3 days a week. However, I wish I had just one more day off to finish up the basement. I got into the crawl space to clean, organize, & purge stuff I really can live without. What did I find? My dishwasher has been leaking for a while and got a large amount of our Christmas stuff wet. It's obviously been going on for a while because some of the boxes had black mold growing on them. Another "fuck me" situation. Hopefully this won't cost an arm & a leg to fix. I'm praying that my dad can fix it. Guess it's dishpan hands for me for a while. I can live with that.

Just got back from visiting the fiance' at the county. He looks good...getting scrawny as the food tastes like crap there, but oh well. Only 32 more days until his hearing. I pray he gets to come home then. I'm sick of doing it(life) all by myself. Nap time for me. I have to work at 7pm.

Hope everyone is having a great day.

Cinder blocks on my ankles

August 12, 2009

Yesterday I spend the good majority of the day cleaning up & cleaning out my basement. What a job! My whole body is revolting against exercising today. I didn't get to bed last night until 1230 & woke up at 830. That means daylight which means I don't run in public. Today was W2D2 of the C25K. I really wanted to run on the track, but poor planning on my part left me to do it on the elliptical.
Once I hopped on it, it was all I could do to propel that darn thing forward. My legs are just pooped & I felt like I had cinder blocks tied to my ankles. The podcast I listen to for the C25K made mention of the parameters for doing it on the elliptical. I'll have to check that out as I'm sure I'm nowhere near where I should be.
I did the entire "walk/run" at an incline of 10, the walking segments at intensity level 6-9, and the running segments at 10-15. I was a total clock watcher today and hopped off the second I reached 30 minutes.
In addition to the C25K, today is also lower body weight lifting day for my Body for Life plan. I'm going to wait until tonight to do that. I'm just not ready for that yet at the moment.

I ate Quaker High fiber oatmeal and a piece of string cheese for breakfast, but I'm really feeling like I want to eat something else. What, I don't know. I just want to eat. Perhaps I should have gone to another OA meeting today.

I chickened out to write what I had planned to write about today. That whole topic makes me feel weak and shameful among other things. Maybe another day.

Kicked butt Tuesday

August 12, 2009

Here are my Bodybugg stats for the past 3 days. I'm dreading tomorrow because it's supposed to be lower body weights along with cardio. I'm sooo sore from Monday still.

Negative self-talk

August 11, 2009

I find it truly amazing how God puts before us the exact things we need to see, do, or hear at the moment we need that information. Yesterday I went to an OA meeting & realized that one of the members is a teacher I had in college…20 years ago and she recognized me. Yikes. I’d seen her at the meetings for about 5 weeks and just didn’t make the connection. She taught speech & I freaking hated every second of that class. At the beginning of each class, she made all the students stand up and repeat “I like it, I like it, I can do it”. I did it because I needed the grade, but I NEVER liked it. Public speaking invokes such fear in me that it makes me want to cry to do it.
I have no idea why this is the case. I talk a lot. My friends, family, & coworkers think I’m really funny & entertaining with the crap that flies out of my mouth, but to talk in a controlled setting, standing up in front of people….no way. Today as I was reading some blogs I realize something profound about myself. I have lived much of my life in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of never being happy, fear of not being a good parent or raising him in such a way that he, too, feels like shit about himself, fear of not being pretty enough or thin enough, smart enough, fear of not being PERFECT.

None of us are perfect and I would never expect my loved ones to be perfect so I don’t know why I expect it from myself, but I often do. I’ve declined or resisted invitations to go out into the world and try new things for fear of failure. What if I fall on my ass while learning to snow ski? Before even getting to the slopes I worried about not fitting into the snow pants my brother arranged for us to borrow. I have allowed my weight to keep me a prisoner from my own life. My insecurities run deep.

I’ll interject this funny, but weight related, story to break up the seriousness that this post turned into. In 2006 my fiancé & I went to Aruba. We decided to try scuba diving. Neither of us had tried it. We get all our gear and embarrassingly enough, I had to have some huge ass life jacket and an extremely heavy weight belt that is used to balance your weight when you’re underwater. Fat floats people. Big boobs=built-in floatation devices. I need a REALLY heavy belt; after all, I am 50% fat. We were sitting at the front of the boat so we were the last to get in the water. Brent went before I did. I was the very last to go. As I’m holding the line, I stick my head under the water and see how far down everyone is. HOLY SHIT. What if I run out of air? What if my mask falls off, what if I lose my respirator? I start to panic….seriously. I told the instructor that I couldn’t do it & started to swim back to the boat. He told me no. I finally get to the bottom of the ocean; we were only 30 feet under. My heart is pounding. I look over and see Brent sitting on the ocean floor patiently waiting. He pointed to his oxygen gauge like he wasted all his air waiting on me..ha ha. The next step was to find that proper buoyancy level where you can stay under water. It’s a fine balancing act with how you breathe too. I didn’t realize that at first. The instructor is telling me to do this and that to see if I’m at the right buoyancy. Nope. He starts picking up rocks & shoving them in my life jacket. Another test….still not right. We do this for several rounds. Finally he looks at this humongous rock….like a boulder, but then finds some other rock. When we got back to shore Brent made mention of the guy looking at the boulder. He said he thought the guy was going to make me swim with that huge boulder the entire time. Jerk, shut up skinny-ass white boy! So that’s my scuba diving story. It was fearful but fun.

Back to my seriousness….

I noticed in every OA meeting I’ve been to that at least one person, if not several, have mentioned perfection. They can’t move on to the next step because they fear they haven’t done the current step “perfectly”. They've mentioned multiple things where they expect perfection. Do all fat people expect perfection from our/themselves and because we know that perfection isn’t realistic, we just throw our hands up and say “Screw it, I’m not doing any of it if I can’t do it right”? I know that I’ve had that thought many times…too many times to count.
Sean A made mention of this type of negative thinking in his blog recently, but I find it ironic that I read it today & not on the day he posted it. Negative self-talk definitely lives in my head & manifests itself in my life. I REALLY want to change that. I’m finding it difficult because situations happen that reinforce that message in my mind. Back in March I applied for a job at a local hospital for a position doing exactly what I did at my previous nursing job. I had 3 interviews that lasted a total of 6 hours. Honestly people, I thought I had the job in the bag. I miss working in surgery & was so excited about the prospect of getting back to doing those trauma cases & all the blood & guts. It’s just interesting & exciting and you get to see things you never imagine that you’ll ever see. People can really get themselves into some precarious situations (gee doc, I’m not sure how that beer bottle ended up in my rectum). Anywhoo, in the end, I didn’t get the job. I honestly believe it was because I’m fat. The manager who interviewed me made mention, not once, but twice, in the interview about the physical demands of the job. Really lady????!!!! I came from a level I trauma center & did that job WELL for over 7 years; I think I know the freaking demands of the job. So anyway, I’ll be adding that situation to my list of resentments when I get to that step in OA. That step will probably take me a year because I’ll be so swamped with listing all the resentments I have for myself.
My goal is to feel like I’m worth it…whatever “IT” is. I want others to see my worth regardless of what the scales might say. I want to be proud of myself; I just want to be happy.
My intention today was to write about something else, but look what came out. I will start writing my other topic tonight and post it for tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Interesting twist on motivation....

but I think I'll pass on this one. I found this on

Lose Weight, Money, And Self-Respect With!

As if trying to lose weight wasn’t demoralizing enough, a new website called also embarrasses you and takes your money if you fail to shed the pounds. The website’s motto is, “Lose weight or else.” Basically, when you sign up, you tell the site how much weight you want to lose and give yourself a deadline. Then you bet a bunch of money that you can do it. If you drop the weight, the money is yours. But, if you don’t drop the pounds, the dough goes to a person or group you hate—like an ex, an annoying coworker, or an evil organization. Apart from losing money, “Flaabers” can also concoct another awful punishment for themselves if they fail. One girl vowed she would publish her phone number on the site and beg people to call and harass her. Someone else swore if they didn’t lose 30 pounds they’d give up sex for a month.

So what do you think—is this a good way to give people motivation, or is this totally twisted? []
Posted by: Nikki Dowling 10:50AM, Thursday July 09th 2009 Filed in: News & Culture

Tags: weight loss,

New scale

August 9, 2009

So I finally had my coaching session with the Bodybugg coach. She suggested getting a scale that also measures body fat. She made mention that they aren't the most accurate way to measure however it was a cheap way to gauge progress when the scale isn't moving much. Makes sense. So I found one on clearance at Bed, Bath,& Beyond. I was surprised that the weight was as close to the digital scale I have in the basement. The new one says I'm 1.8 pounds heavier. I can live with that.
Turns out that I'm only 50% fat surprise there. I figured that being twice the size that I should be, all that excess weight must be fat. That was a Captain Obvious measurement, but at least it's a place to start.
I moved on to week 2 of the C25K program. I like the music selection a lot more than week 1. I tried it out on the treadmill. It didn't go so well. Monday morning I'm going to head to the track & try again.
The other thing I'm going to do is start the Body for Life training schedule. I've had some success in the past following that plan. I need some structure for my weight lifting workouts & I think that will help.

Belt progress picture

August 6, 2009

This was taken today. Looks like I'm making a little progress towards getting this belt back in use. The original picture to the left was taken 7/14

Feeling Good

Aug 3, 2009

Yesterday I weighed myself and hit the 15 pound mark. I don't count the weight loss as accurate until I see it on the scales 2 days in a row. Today was day 2. Woo Hooo!!
Also yesterday I wore a pair of capris that I haven't been able to wear for a long time. I couldn't even get them zipped 15 pounds ago.

That's all I've got for today so far. I'm off to the basement to work out and then heading to an OA meeting.

August already

August 1, 2009

Having my computer gone for over a week really threw a monkey wrench into my rhythm. Not that I blogged every day, but I felt like I had some schedule of sorts. I need to get back into a groove and start writing again.
Besides my pizza situation, I've actually managed to do fairly well. I must admit that the pizza cost me 2 pounds which I have since taken off again. Damn pizza. I've had some small victories this week.
These are the things I'm starting to notice about myself as of late:
1. At my heaviest, when I would sit down, I would feel like my fat gut pushed up into my boobs and then my boobs would feel as if they were up under my chin. I almost felt strangled by my own fat. I still have fat, but I don't feel like my chin is resting on my boobs when I'm sitting down anymore. Boobs are great, but I really don't want to be using them as a necklace.

2. One day this week I got up very early and went to the school to slog. I was able to run half way around the track. Dare I say I'm making some progress?!

3. I can tell that my clothes are fitting better.

4. I'm currently wearing a pair of panties that I stopped wearing many months ago because every time I wore them, they ended up rolling under my fat roll and practically falling off. Very annoying. Now that my roll isn't so big, they stay in place. Small successes. Love it.

5. Several years ago my mom bought me 2 scales for Christmas. I don't know why. I'm not sure if it was her way of saying "Hey fatass, you keep eating like you are and you'll need both of these to be able to even weigh yourself"...hell, I don't know. But anyway, one was digital and one is the old school kind with the circular disc that spins around. That scale only went up to 260. When I started this journey, I couldn't even weight myself because I was over 270. Now I can!! Who would have ever thought I would be happy to see 250-something on the scales. Guess it's all relative to where you started.

6. Thursday I went to visit my guy and he said he can definitely tell that I'm losing. He said my face looks thinner & my skin looks clearer & glowing now that I'm eating better.

7. One day this week I did the elliptical for 65 minutes straight. I planned to do it for 60 minutes, but the calorie counter was close to saying 800 calories burned that I did it until it read 800. I was feeling awesome because that's the longest I've ever done it, but my bubble was quickly burst when I downloaded the Bodybugg only to learn that it was only 600 & something calories and not 800. Oh well! It's 600+ more than what I would have burned sitting on my ass.

8. I've noticed that my bras aren't so tight...less bra overhang. Love that.

9. The arm strap on my Bodybugg isn't so tight-looking. I can tell that my biceps are improving. Triceps seem to take a long time to build. Don't have any guns yet, but perhaps little pistols-in-the-making. I've always been an upper body weakling so this will take time. Lower body was where my strength was so that's the exercises I used to focus on instead of what I NEEDED to work on. When I was in high school, I could squat 450 pounds on the stationary squat machine & I could bench press more than the boy in my weight lifting group. Poor thing.

10. I went to 2 OA meetings last week. I'm going to one today. This might be my last time going to this particular meeting. I'm not sure if it's the format of this meeting that I don't care for or what. There is one girl there who just rubs me the wrong way with the "I'm better than everybody-attitude". I get enough bullshit from some of the crap we endure with our patients at work that when I'm doing something for myself, I just want to find some peace & inspiration without leaving there feeling passive-aggressive.

On the non-weight related issues, after interviewing for 3 jobs, I finally made a decision on what I wanted to do. In my mind, I had nearly decided even before interviewing that I wasn't going to take this one particular job just because it was double the drive time and I didn't think they would be able to financially compensate me compared to what I'm used to making in the city. However the unit director seemed impressed enough to call me back for a 2nd interview which I went to on Wednesday. This one was with 3 other nurses and one scrub tech who got to ask me an entire page of questions. In my head, I was trying to figure out how I could work part time there and keep my full-time job where I currently work. Right now I work 12 hour nights and this is a day shift position.
I was so torn. I had also interviewed in the operating room at the hospital were I work now. Thought that would be handy for scheduling to work at the same place. That isn't going to fly though because they don't allow you to work 2 jobs at the same place. More specifically they won't let you work more than 80 hrs/pay. That defeats the whole purpose of working a PT job. I left HR kinda pissed about the entire thing.
I thought I should give up on finding a part time job and focus on trying to start up my jewelry business & sell my stuff online.
When I got home, I started to do some more research about this little hospital in the country and found out that their retirement plan is with the freakin' state. Ok, so that is totally what I've been after this entire time. I worked 7+ years at Ohio State which is state retirement. I wanted to at least get to the 10 year mark with my retirement because there are extra perks that come with that. My whole mindset shifted in that moment.
My gut feeling is that my current job will eventually be phased out due to some medicaid insurance changes that have happened around here. So I decided in my mind that I would take this job in the boonies even though it's over a 40 minute drive & the money won't be as good. While I'm thinking about all this, one of my co-workers called and told me that she just got a call to provide a reference for me. Cool beans. I'm thinking that since they are calling references right after my 2nd interview, they must be considering offering me the job.
I emailed the manager the next morning & asking her a few other questions and indicating that I would take the job full-time. Haven't heard jack shit from her since. Why o why can't things just go smoothly?!!! I'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed that I hear something Monday.
I really want to focus on getting rid of excess...excess weight and excess debt. I want to pay off my debt and have some financial peace of mind...and a savings account.

That's my world in a nutshell as of late.

On a very sad note, please everybody pray for Jen (PriorFatGirl) and her family. Her mom was killed yesterday.

Crap eating

July 27, 2009

So after fighting my pizza crazing for a night, I broke down and ate pizza. Not once, but 3 times. I'm so beyond pissed at myself. Saturday I weighed and was excited that I was now down 14 pounds; so what did I do? Succumbed to peer pressure at work when they wanted to order pizza. Instead of eating my soup and fruit that I brought, I ordered pizza too. In my mind, I justified eating all those calories because I had only eaten about 400 calories that day.
After eating all that pizza, my gut hurt, I was lethargic and struggled to stay awake for the rest of my shift. It was horrible. After eating better for several months, I can definitely tell how much better I feel. It's actually more evident when I don't stay on my food plan. I feel sick! I feel guilty. I feel tired. I'm not digging this feeling at all. Back to better eating. I miss the good feelings of knowing that I'm doing something good for myself.
I have managed to get in some exercise most every day, but I need to really reorganize my thoughts and get myself back on the straight and narrow TODAY. This can NOT wait until tomorrow.

The other thing I'm totally ticked about is the water challenge with Jen. Seriously...water is about the only thing I ever drank anyway. I would have iced tea if I went out to eat and sometimes make it at home. But I'm not a coffee drinker and haven't had soda since starting my program. So what happened? I tell myself I can't have something and then I want it. WTF is wrong with me? It is such a self-sabotaging move on my part. I was fine with water only before I told myself I couldn't have other beverages. Now I've consumed other drinks because I got in my head that I was being deprived. This just freakin chaps my hide!! Now I'm out of the water challenge. Maybe I'll "punish" myself in August and will only drink water for the entire month just so I know I can do it.

Why o why

....does life have to be so darn complicated? My credit card company just called and apparently my card bought somebody dinner in JAPAN!! and a cash advance in New Jersey for $5.00. Guess they were just testing the waters with that one.

Back online & out of the 60s

Hello all,

I FINALLY have my computer back; I had no idea what a computer addict I was until I was 8 days without a computer. Ugh, very painful. My computer is a virgin again after having a complete restore. I'm a bit sad to have lost some great websites that I had bookmarked and some other stuff I really wanted, but I couldn't justify paying an extra $100 for the backup. Guess if it's THAT important I'll find it again.
I can't upload my bodybugg info because this computer comes with IE8 and BB requires IE 6 or 7. Every download for IE 7 I've found says it's not compatible with this Vista version. I've been very frustrated since Wednesday.
Wednesday was my fiance's court hearing for his cases. It lasted about 60 seconds and I could only hear about every 3rd word. I left without hearing what his bond was. Again, more frustration. I picked my computer up on the way home, went home to try to look up his bond info online only to discover that my product info for my anti-virus had been saved in an email folder guessed it, it gone. Grrrr!!! I was able to do the 60 day free trial again, but I will have to rebuy the freaking thing again.
I've just felt overwhelmed this entire week. Monday I went to a different OA meeting since I knew I wouldn't make it to the Wednesday meeting. I'm glad I went. I've been really bad this week about planning my meals. I don't have anything in the house that's not on my plan, but it's making my life more difficult to have been so busy not to plan. I feel a huge internal chaos and I hate it.
Monday morning I went out (in the dark) and did the C25K run/walk. This was the first time I had tried it on the street. I feel really invigorated because I can tell that I'm building up some endurance from where I was. That's totally cool. Can't wait to build up even more.
Monday night I stayed up until 5am and cleaned up my office. I haven't filed in AGES. Holy crap, I shredded two trash bags full of papers. It's not quite done yet, but at least you can get in the room and see that there's actually a desk and chair in there.
I worked Tues & Wed. So after the crappy results of court, I had to face a night of work. From a meeting he had with a pretrial court woman, we were given the impression that he would be getting out on a recognizance bond which would be great because we're broke and don't have money laying around for bond. His parents aren't in a position to pay either. That day was a complete letdown; no one who was recommended for a recognizance bond got it. B's bond was $3700 and I feel horrible that I can't pay it, is what it is. I would rather him stay in until his sentencing. It would break my heart to have him home for 6 months and then have him get sentenced to time and have to be ripped from my life again. We're praying he gets alternative sentencing and is able to get a program called Drug Court where he can get help for his alcoholism. We'll see what happens. At least he's back in the same city and I don't have to make 8 hr trips to TN to visit.
My only real good news of the week is that I'm out of the 260's. WoooHoooo!!! I weighed two days in a row just to be sure. 259 baby, 259! I was surprised because I haven't exercised as much as I want and need to this week. I'll bust ass today and tomorrow.
Last night was a struggle for me. I wanted pizza so badly, but I knew if I went to the store and bought a pizza I would eat the whole damn thing. I had it all planned out in my head too. I obsessed about it until I finally forced myself to go to bed. I'm feeling more in control today, but pizza sure does sound good still.

Can't wait to catch up on all the blogging I missed last week and this week. Hope everyone is doing well.

Jen's Challenge

July 15, 2009

Jen over at Jen@PriorFatGirl is having a "drink water only" challenge for the next 2 weeks & she's having a giveaway so check her out.

Because I'm obsessive the way I am, I weigh myself every day. My weigh-in yesterday was in the evening so I thought I would hop on the scale in the AM and see if it made a difference. It did!! I'm at an even 260 which makes it 12 pounds lost. That makes me feel much better because I feel like I've been kicking this fat's ass and it still refuses to leave. Maybe it's finally starting to get the message.

There will be no Bodybugg updates until I get my computer hiss. I'll have to be extra strict with my food intake just to be on the safe side.

Mini-goal reached

I weighed myself tonite after my shower...I finally reached the 10lb mark. Seemed like it took forever & a day.
My computer has something wrong with it. Everything is missing from my Start Menu. That's no good. I'm trying to update this blog from my phone. We'll see if it works. Someone please let me know.
Hopefully I'll have my computer back by Friday.
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Marvelous Monday

July 13, 09

There's my work for the day. I did 60 minutes on the elliptical. Once again, I had no intention of staying up all night, but I did. I took my son to & from school and then had my interview at 2pm. Another good interview. I'm going to go back in the next 2 weeks for a second interview/observation day to see how I like it. It's totally small compared to the other hospital I came from. Ohio State has 26 ORs and this place only has 3 & 1 procedure room. As a small hospital, they can't pay even as well as the hospital I'm at now so I definitely can't do it as my main job, but I'd consider it as a PT job to get my bills paid off. The compute is also double what I drive now so that's another factor...40+ minutes in the winter; I don't know. Anyhooo, I am supposed to talk to the OR manager at my current hospital at the end of the week. Lots of options on the table now. I might just try to throw Ohio State back in the mix just for the hell of it. Those state benefits sure were nice.

I posted a picture I took tonight after working out. I was really sad to see just how fat I had become. Five years ago I started training with the mother of one of my son's friends. She's in her 40s and is built like a brick shit house as they say--tanned, toned, & muscular. I bought that belt then. I think I weighed about 225 then. As you can see, it's about 4-6 inches short of going around my big ol gut. I'm going to use that as one measure of progress. The other day I took some pictures of myself in clothes that just aren't so cute on me anymore. I'm going to post those soon too.

Have a great night everybody. I'm taking an Advil PM and closing my little peepers now.

Dairy Queen is the Devil

July 12/13 2009

I worked Saturday night and ate breakfast/dinner around 2 or 3AM. I went home & went straight to bed without eating because I knew I was meeting my friend for dinner tonigh (Sunday). I needed to hear about her trip to Dallas-- same friend who had the bad date with the wacky dude who brought his own water. So I saved all my calories for this great meal. And it was GREAT. I had a very yummy garlic steak, baked potato, & steamed broccoli, water, & iced tea.
On the way home we decided to stop at DQ. OMG was that a bad idea. Had I looked at the nutrition information BEFORE we stopped, I wouldn't have gotten anything. We both got small cookie dough blizzards. SEVEN HUNDRED and 10 freaking calories. I looked all that info up while putting my food into the BB program. When I saw my results for the day, I quickly changed clothes and ran downstairs and hopped on the elliptical until midnight. I exceeded my caloric burn and food calorie consumption, but didn't reach my calorie deficit goal....all because of that damned blizzard.
No more blizzards or DQ for me. :o(
But, being healthy and in shape will feel better than that ice creams tastes.

Thursday's sloth results

Thursday I didn't really reach any of my goals as I was in bed most of the day. See the flat line of my "lazy assness"? I was able to work out around 730 or 8pm after the Aleve kicked in and took most of my neck pain away.