July 9, 2009


I'm not at all happy with my day. Last night I made a list of things I wanted/needed to get done today. Guess how many are done. Two. I took my kid to school & I picked him up. End of story. A couple of nights (days for me since I'm a night shift girl)ago, I slept wrong on my side and now today the pain is even more excruciating. I can not lift my left arm past shoulder height and I've got pain that radiates from my neck down into my left arm and down midway to my thoracic spine. When I finally got out of bed...again, the pain literally brought me to tears. If I don't keep my head in a neutral position, the pain is intense. This totally does not fit into my plans for the day.
Now it's nearly 6pm. I've wasted the whole fucking day & I'm pissed. It was not my intention to sleep the day away in pain. Tomorrow and Saturday night I have to work so it will be another few days before anything else gets done in the house. Grrrr!!

I've taken some Aleve and I'm waiting for it to kick in. Perhaps if I can manage to do the elliptical for 30-40 minutes, it will warm my neck muscles up enough that I can do some stretches and work out the kink. I know I won't be able to function at work if I'm in this shape tomorrow.

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I've been reading some of the posts from today. It seems like quite a few of us are in a funk about this weight loss journey especially regarding food choices. A couple of things hit home with me regarding that. When I decided to start on this journey again, it wasn't necessarily that I thought I would have an easy time. I'm not that delusional. However, I did think that maybe 20 pounds might fall off rather quickly though because if you think of the amount of calories we consume when we ARE watching what we eat, I wonder how many calories we ate when we weren't paying attention.
I know there are times when I get on a soda kick. I drink Dr Pepper like it's the last day of production and I have to drink all I can before it stops being available.
I was on one of those kicks before I started in April. It was really hard to stop drinking it. The carbonation & caramel coloring give me a fierce stomach ache since having my gallbladder removed. But did that ever stop me from drinking it? Hell no. Throw some bad food in with it and I'd be in the bathroom in no time flat, but it never stopped me. I'd just keep taking more Immodium.
During my last trip down to TN, I logged all my food into the Bodybugg. I didn't eat anything that wasn't healthy on this particular day. My calories were like 2050. And that was eating 3 HEALTHY meals. I can not even begin to imagine what I was consuming when I was eating mindlessly day after day. It's no wonder my ass looks like cottage cheese with the great divide down the middle, my legs have more ripples than a babbling brook, & my arms...ugh, I have stretch marks from my armpits to elbow. That's just disgusting. I don't have to wonder why I'm fat; I know!!

But that brings me to my other thought. If I was consuming, let's say 3500 Kcal just for shits & giggles, and now I'm only eating 1900, why isn't the weight coming off quickly especially since I had the couchectomy to get the couch removed from my ass. I haven't been working out EVERY day, but I'm certainly doing lots more than I was 2 months ago. It's like my body is secretly working against me. Damn her! I know I'm getting stronger, but seriously I need to see more results. This is just frustrating beyond belief.

So I've sat here long enough that the Aleve is working a bit. I can crane my neck forward a couple of inches. I'm going to head to the basement to attempt my workout while the gettin' is good.

For those of you who are struggling right now, remember that you ARE worth the effort and we all deserve to be healthy, fit, & happy. Keep doing the next right thing and eventually we will see the results we're working so hard to achieve.