October 13, 2009

I'm back from my weekend in TN. We had a good time. For some reason though, I couldn't sleep the entire time I was there which made me miserable. I've never had that problem at my in-laws. The in-laws about had a heart attack because my FIL's 2 older sons from out west came in to surprise him. My FIL has been bitching to me about how these 2 sons treat him so badly and never come to see them, don't call to check on them, never email etc. They just showed up. Big WOW! I've been with Brent for 4 years & have never met or spoken to either of them.
So anyway, it was a nice turn out for the party. It was a combined birthday party & Oktoberfest...beer brats, hot German potato salad, German beers, sauerkraut balls. All the food was good. I stuck with water all weekend since I don't drink beer.

Almost every single time I've gone down there, I say that I'm going to work out, go for a walk or something. I NEVER do. EXCEPT, this time I did. I was awake waaaay too early on Saturday morning. I got dressed & headed outside to do my C25K run. I was proud of myself for actually doing it. Honestly, I figured that I would make some excuse up in my mind & just not do it. It was nice though. The air was cool & crisp so I barely got overly hot. Got to see some deer playing in a field; actually they scared the daylights out of me because I didn't see them until they started running.
But back to reality. I'm not sure where my head has been the past week. I think I've been mentally overwhelmed with everything that's going on in my life. I was too exhausted to exercise early last week. That day turned into the next and then the next. WTF??!!! Seriously, I'm so pissed at myself. I haven't logged my food either. I will say that the food thing is getting much easier though. I don't crave the junk food like I have in the past. Despite not exercising, I pretty much stayed on task with the food. I think it's almost become ingrained in me because I feel so much better by eating right. My guts used to just KILL; now I'm feeling good in that department. I haven't overeaten, but I have had a few things that I know I wouldn't have eaten if I was being strict with myself.

So that's my goal for the day. Get my head out of my ass & back on track. I need to get dressed & get to the track to do my run before the kids arrive at school & see a fat girl running. Eeks.
Have a good day everyone.

October 2. 2009

Thanks GAGer girls for checking in on me this week. I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I've just been working on revamping my fitness plan & such. Being as fat as I was/am, I expected to have lost more by now. I won't lie; I'm a bit disappointed.
With that being said, I took this week to amp up my exercise plan & readjust my food plan. Last week I didn't eat bad food or necessarily too much food. But I didn't log my food into the Bodybugg program. It really left me feeling out of control. Maybe some day I'll get to the point where I don't have to write down every morsel that crosses my lips, but I'm not there yet. Not by a long shot.
One of my personal drawbacks is working night shift. Even on my nights off, I often find myself staying up all night, wasting lots of valuable time. Do I work out at 3am? Hell no. I'm probably surfing the web for stupid or cute little pictures that will bring a smile to my face for 30 seconds, reading blogs, catching up on TV, doing Sudoku puzzles, or making lists of things I want to get done the next day, but never do because I've stayed up all night and then am too tired to get up before 2pm. Sometimes I really piss myself off.
I'm enjoying my C25K program. I'm taking that program super slow. I'm on week 3 & I'm going to start week 4 next week. In addition to that, I've recommitted myself to doing the Body For Life plan. I've had some success with that in the past. All the exercises are basically laid out for me so it's not like it takes a wizard to figure out what I need to be doing. Cardio & weight lifting...I can handle that. I do wish I had some hot guy to change the weights around for me between sets. That would be fun...for me at least. Sadly this is not the case; I'll have to do it myself.
This week I've done 2 days of C25K, 2 days of weight lifting, and 2- 20 minute cardio interval which is the standard cardio session for the BFL program. Right now I'm showing a 3 pound gain from yesterday. I'm not sure how that's possible when I burned over 3000 calories yesterday and ate 1500. Maybe the weight lifting/tearing the muscle thing has to do with holding onto fluid or something. As long as it's gone by Tuesday's weigh-in, it can hang around for a few days.
The other thing with the BFL program is eating 6 small meals a day. Six is hard for me, but I think I can squeeze 5 in on most days. I've noticed that I can't eat as much as I used to at one sitting. This of course is a good thing. So I've decided that the 5-6 meals might be a good thing. I'm going to focus on eating to take the edge off my hunger and not eating to "full" line. I usually overeat that way. I think my fuel gauge is broken in that respect. I've overeaten on a regular basis for so long that I don't know what is comfortably full compared to stuffed until it's too late. This is definitely something that I need to work on. I also thought that by eating like this 1) I won't overeat because there's never enough food on my plate to do that & 2) in 3-4 hours I can have something else yummy to eat.
Satisfaction without being STUFFED. That's what I'm working towards.
I think I've convinced myself to buy a captain's chair to do the hanging crunches on. I've used on in the past and it really works the abs and whittles the waistline. I'm all for getting rid of my big 'ol muffin top.

That's my week in a nutshell. Nothing earth shattering.

Hope all the GAGers and especially TEAM CUPID are having very productive weeks and meeting your mini-goals.

September 15, 2009

Here's the final points added for my week of the GAG challenge and my meal plans for the last 2 days.

September 12, 2009 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM TODAY











Today I hit a milestone of getting under 250. I'm going to keep my actual weight secret until the GAG weigh-in on Tuesday. This week I revamped my bodybugg program and reduced my calories to 1300-1500cal/day. Seems to be working...finally.

September 7, 2009

I weighed myself yesterday and today...I'm up about 1.5 pounds. I truly believe it's due to my lack of proper meal planning on Saturday. I ate all healthy food & stayed within my calories, but holy shit...or actually no shit. I ate 52 grams of fiber. I fear I won't be able to poop for a month. My crap will turn to a brick. I'm trying to drink LOTS more water.




Hopefully tonight I will dump a load and lose 5 pounds by my GAG weigh in tomorrow. Tonight my son & I are going to the track to run the C25K. Running always makes me have "the" urge. Keeping my fingers crossed.

August 1, 2009

Having my computer gone for over a week really threw a monkey wrench into my rhythm. Not that I blogged every day, but I felt like I had some schedule of sorts. I need to get back into a groove and start writing again.
Besides my pizza situation, I've actually managed to do fairly well. I must admit that the pizza cost me 2 pounds which I have since taken off again. Damn pizza. I've had some small victories this week.
These are the things I'm starting to notice about myself as of late:
1. At my heaviest, when I would sit down, I would feel like my fat gut pushed up into my boobs and then my boobs would feel as if they were up under my chin. I almost felt strangled by my own fat. I still have fat, but I don't feel like my chin is resting on my boobs when I'm sitting down anymore. Boobs are great, but I really don't want to be using them as a necklace.

2. One day this week I got up very early and went to the school to slog. I was able to run half way around the track. Dare I say I'm making some progress?!

3. I can tell that my clothes are fitting better.

4. I'm currently wearing a pair of panties that I stopped wearing many months ago because every time I wore them, they ended up rolling under my fat roll and practically falling off. Very annoying. Now that my roll isn't so big, they stay in place. Small successes. Love it.

5. Several years ago my mom bought me 2 scales for Christmas. I don't know why. I'm not sure if it was her way of saying "Hey fatass, you keep eating like you are and you'll need both of these to be able to even weigh yourself"...hell, I don't know. But anyway, one was digital and one is the old school kind with the circular disc that spins around. That scale only went up to 260. When I started this journey, I couldn't even weight myself because I was over 270. Now I can!! Who would have ever thought I would be happy to see 250-something on the scales. Guess it's all relative to where you started.

6. Thursday I went to visit my guy and he said he can definitely tell that I'm losing. He said my face looks thinner & my skin looks clearer & glowing now that I'm eating better.

7. One day this week I did the elliptical for 65 minutes straight. I planned to do it for 60 minutes, but the calorie counter was close to saying 800 calories burned that I did it until it read 800. I was feeling awesome because that's the longest I've ever done it, but my bubble was quickly burst when I downloaded the Bodybugg only to learn that it was only 600 & something calories and not 800. Oh well! It's 600+ more than what I would have burned sitting on my ass.

8. I've noticed that my bras aren't so tight...less bra overhang. Love that.

9. The arm strap on my Bodybugg isn't so tight-looking. I can tell that my biceps are improving. Triceps seem to take a long time to build. Don't have any guns yet, but perhaps little pistols-in-the-making. I've always been an upper body weakling so this will take time. Lower body was where my strength was so that's the exercises I used to focus on instead of what I NEEDED to work on. When I was in high school, I could squat 450 pounds on the stationary squat machine & I could bench press more than the boy in my weight lifting group. Poor thing.

10. I went to 2 OA meetings last week. I'm going to one today. This might be my last time going to this particular meeting. I'm not sure if it's the format of this meeting that I don't care for or what. There is one girl there who just rubs me the wrong way with the "I'm better than everybody-attitude". I get enough bullshit from some of the crap we endure with our patients at work that when I'm doing something for myself, I just want to find some peace & inspiration without leaving there feeling passive-aggressive.

On the non-weight related issues, after interviewing for 3 jobs, I finally made a decision on what I wanted to do. In my mind, I had nearly decided even before interviewing that I wasn't going to take this one particular job just because it was double the drive time and I didn't think they would be able to financially compensate me compared to what I'm used to making in the city. However the unit director seemed impressed enough to call me back for a 2nd interview which I went to on Wednesday. This one was with 3 other nurses and one scrub tech who got to ask me an entire page of questions. In my head, I was trying to figure out how I could work part time there and keep my full-time job where I currently work. Right now I work 12 hour nights and this is a day shift position.
I was so torn. I had also interviewed in the operating room at the hospital were I work now. Thought that would be handy for scheduling to work at the same place. That isn't going to fly though because they don't allow you to work 2 jobs at the same place. More specifically they won't let you work more than 80 hrs/pay. That defeats the whole purpose of working a PT job. I left HR kinda pissed about the entire thing.
I thought I should give up on finding a part time job and focus on trying to start up my jewelry business & sell my stuff online.
When I got home, I started to do some more research about this little hospital in the country and found out that their retirement plan is with the freakin' state. Ok, so that is totally what I've been after this entire time. I worked 7+ years at Ohio State which is state retirement. I wanted to at least get to the 10 year mark with my retirement because there are extra perks that come with that. My whole mindset shifted in that moment.
My gut feeling is that my current job will eventually be phased out due to some medicaid insurance changes that have happened around here. So I decided in my mind that I would take this job in the boonies even though it's over a 40 minute drive & the money won't be as good. While I'm thinking about all this, one of my co-workers called and told me that she just got a call to provide a reference for me. Cool beans. I'm thinking that since they are calling references right after my 2nd interview, they must be considering offering me the job.
I emailed the manager the next morning & asking her a few other questions and indicating that I would take the job full-time. Haven't heard jack shit from her since. Why o why can't things just go smoothly?!!! I'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed that I hear something Monday.
I really want to focus on getting rid of excess...excess weight and excess debt. I want to pay off my debt and have some financial peace of mind...and a savings account.

That's my world in a nutshell as of late.

On a very sad note, please everybody pray for Jen (PriorFatGirl) and her family. Her mom was killed yesterday.

July 27, 2009



So after fighting my pizza crazing for a night, I broke down and ate pizza. Not once, but 3 times. I'm so beyond pissed at myself. Saturday I weighed and was excited that I was now down 14 pounds; so what did I do? Succumbed to peer pressure at work when they wanted to order pizza. Instead of eating my soup and fruit that I brought, I ordered pizza too. In my mind, I justified eating all those calories because I had only eaten about 400 calories that day.
After eating all that pizza, my gut hurt, I was lethargic and struggled to stay awake for the rest of my shift. It was horrible. After eating better for several months, I can definitely tell how much better I feel. It's actually more evident when I don't stay on my food plan. I feel sick! I feel guilty. I feel tired. I'm not digging this feeling at all. Back to better eating. I miss the good feelings of knowing that I'm doing something good for myself.
I have managed to get in some exercise most every day, but I need to really reorganize my thoughts and get myself back on the straight and narrow TODAY. This can NOT wait until tomorrow.

The other thing I'm totally ticked about is the water challenge with Jen. Seriously...water is about the only thing I ever drank anyway. I would have iced tea if I went out to eat and sometimes make it at home. But I'm not a coffee drinker and haven't had soda since starting my program. So what happened? I tell myself I can't have something and then I want it. WTF is wrong with me? It is such a self-sabotaging move on my part. I was fine with water only before I told myself I couldn't have other beverages. Now I've consumed other drinks because I got in my head that I was being deprived. This just freakin chaps my hide!! Now I'm out of the water challenge. Maybe I'll "punish" myself in August and will only drink water for the entire month just so I know I can do it.

Hello all,

I FINALLY have my computer back; I had no idea what a computer addict I was until I was 8 days without a computer. Ugh, very painful. My computer is a virgin again after having a complete restore. I'm a bit sad to have lost some great websites that I had bookmarked and some other stuff I really wanted, but I couldn't justify paying an extra $100 for the backup. Guess if it's THAT important I'll find it again.
I can't upload my bodybugg info because this computer comes with IE8 and BB requires IE 6 or 7. Every download for IE 7 I've found says it's not compatible with this Vista version. I've been very frustrated since Wednesday.
Wednesday was my fiance's court hearing for his cases. It lasted about 60 seconds and I could only hear about every 3rd word. I left without hearing what his bond was. Again, more frustration. I picked my computer up on the way home, went home to try to look up his bond info online only to discover that my product info for my anti-virus had been saved in an email folder which...you guessed it, it gone. Grrrr!!! I was able to do the 60 day free trial again, but I will have to rebuy the freaking thing again.
I've just felt overwhelmed this entire week. Monday I went to a different OA meeting since I knew I wouldn't make it to the Wednesday meeting. I'm glad I went. I've been really bad this week about planning my meals. I don't have anything in the house that's not on my plan, but it's making my life more difficult to have been so busy not to plan. I feel a huge internal chaos and I hate it.
Monday morning I went out (in the dark) and did the C25K run/walk. This was the first time I had tried it on the street. I feel really invigorated because I can tell that I'm building up some endurance from where I was. That's totally cool. Can't wait to build up even more.
Monday night I stayed up until 5am and cleaned up my office. I haven't filed in AGES. Holy crap, I shredded two trash bags full of papers. It's not quite done yet, but at least you can get in the room and see that there's actually a desk and chair in there.
I worked Tues & Wed. So after the crappy results of court, I had to face a night of work. From a meeting he had with a pretrial court woman, we were given the impression that he would be getting out on a recognizance bond which would be great because we're broke and don't have money laying around for bond. His parents aren't in a position to pay either. That day was a complete letdown; no one who was recommended for a recognizance bond got it. B's bond was $3700 and I feel horrible that I can't pay it, but...it is what it is. I would rather him stay in until his sentencing. It would break my heart to have him home for 6 months and then have him get sentenced to time and have to be ripped from my life again. We're praying he gets alternative sentencing and is able to get a program called Drug Court where he can get help for his alcoholism. We'll see what happens. At least he's back in the same city and I don't have to make 8 hr trips to TN to visit.
My only real good news of the week is that I'm out of the 260's. WoooHoooo!!! I weighed two days in a row just to be sure. 259 baby, 259! I was surprised because I haven't exercised as much as I want and need to this week. I'll bust ass today and tomorrow.
Last night was a struggle for me. I wanted pizza so badly, but I knew if I went to the store and bought a pizza I would eat the whole damn thing. I had it all planned out in my head too. I obsessed about it until I finally forced myself to go to bed. I'm feeling more in control today, but pizza sure does sound good still.

Can't wait to catch up on all the blogging I missed last week and this week. Hope everyone is doing well.

After spending 1.5 hours on the phone with a bodybugg techie, it was indeed determined that I got a bum bodybugg device. They will be sending out a new one and extending my service another 60days for free. That's a good payoff for my inconvenience I suppose, but I really wanted to be using the bugg.
So this weekend was a complete bust when it came to exercising. I went to TN to visit my guy. I had fully intended on walking at the area state park hoping there would be shade in the "forest". Yeah well, I got back in my car at 3pm on Saturday. The temp gauge in my car said it was 105. Holy shit, it was hot. I was just thankful not to have been wearing shorts on the leather seats. It was too hot to be outside. I don't want to even think what the heat index was.
Friday evening was about the same although not quite as hot...just upper 90s. No walk for me that night either. I did pre-plan my food and took grilled chicken I cooked the night before as well as lots of veggies, yogurt, water, & fruit. I think I did fairly well with my intake while gone.

I'd like to say that I lost lots just by sweating my ass off while I was gone, but sadly as I look behind me, I can still see MY big 'ol behind. I do notice my jeans fitting a bit more loosely so that's cool.
Anyway, I'm back in Ohio where the temp is only in the 80s. I'm off to do something active & fun with my son.

June 17, 2009

I think the C25K is finally starting to kick it into gear for me. I’ve been losing & gaining the same 3-4 lbs since starting at the end of April. Today I’m down 6 lbs. I’m excited to finally be seeing some results. I needed that today because I’m not at the point where I’m loving the running thing yet, but I want to get there & not seeing any progress wasn’t a motivator to continue. Now I’m compelled to keep going.
Yesterday I got a call from my mom. I don’t even recall what her main reason for calling was, but it ended up being an expensive call for her. Before the call was over, we were both online checking out the Bodybugg & she offered to buy me one. Hellz yeah!!! I won’t turn down that offer. She’s so not computer savvy and for once it actually paid off. Instead of going to the Bodybugg site, she ended up on 24hour fitness’s site. Turns out that they’re having a special on the Bodybugg; instead of being $298 for the whole deal as on the BB site, they are offering it for $239. The sale ends at the end of June if anyone is considering getting one & wants a better deal.
I’m so anxious to get started with it. In the past, I’ve used calorie-count.com to track my food intake. I like that this is going to be all-in-one. I’ve decided that I’m going to do a modified carb-restricted food plan. About 5 years (and 35 pounds) ago, I worked out with a woman who had me on a plan of 80g carbs/day. It really seemed to work for me. At first I struggle with breakfast because I hate eggs and ended up eating chicken or salad for breakfast which wasn’t working so well for me. I ended up losing 20 pounds and 30.5 inches in only 6 weeks. This time I think I will do a range from 80-100 and modify as needed from that starting point. I want to find something that will feel doable for the long haul (for life) and not feel like a diet that I just have to suffer through for some end result.
Tonight I’ve got a meeting from 8-9 & then I’m heading to the high school to do another day of the C25K on the track. I actually made a little progress on that as well. On Monday I used my mom’s treadmill to do my walk/run. I walked at 3mph and ran at 4.5mph. The previous time I used the treadmill I walked at 3, but ran at 4.3mph. It’s a small increase, but an increase nevertheless. I’ll take it. To a fit person, 4.5 is probably still doing my Charlie Brown shuffle, but we all have to start somewhere.